MA FOO LAT

Crave for Durian but short of Cash?

2007-07-22T14:33:00.000+08:00

Look no further? Durian sellers is starting to accept cards....

Indian Superman & Spider(wo)man Love Story

2007-07-19T10:37:00.000+08:00

Tu Lan With Your Boss??

2007-07-15T12:55:00.000+08:00

Frustrated at work because of your lousy stupid boss? Disappointed when all your hard work is not been appreciated by your boss? Mad when your own punny boss talking bad behind your back but put a smiling face when he sees you? Pity on your boss for not have the balls talking to you but instead complaint to other people?? Have this happened to you? Read on...

This friend of mine had been working for this company for more than 5 years and finally he had left that dreadful, typical Chinaman company ran by a bunch of cowards, love to talk cock and most of all know-how-to-lick-bosses-asses. What he told me was just hilarious and I have no choice but to put it here as a reference to all that ARSEHOLES do exist!!

Mr. Cheow Hai (CH) is my poor friend, Sunny's boss (or rather ex-boss now!!) was a 2-headed snake (I asked him whether CH was born in the year of the Snake?) had all the qualities stated as per above. Sunny had nothing but demonstrated a well dedicated job in his over 5 years tenure which his chinaman company but he had no longer tolerate with his CH boss for the following reasons:

1. CH love to give sweet promises
Last year, Sunny was hoping there was a promotion but there was none and when Sunny confronted CH and CH gave the reason that all promotion had been freezed by the management but he promise Sunny that he will get his next year. So biting his lips, Sunny stayed on for another year. After a year, Sunny was not promoted and to make it worst, Sunny's apprentice got promoted. Sunny was damn pissed. To add salt to the wound, Sunny had found out that another staff had told him privately that his CH boss had told him personally that he will not promote Sunny. Sunny questioned whether his CH boss did even had the intention to promote him.

2. CH borrowing pirated DVDs
This CH borrowed pirated DVDs from and to other staffs. The latest was Prison Break. (Wonder if there is any connection??). Sunny asked me whether he should report to the Domestic Trade Enforment Officers?

3. CH sleeping during office hour
CH apparently take the oppurtunity to go for lunch at 12pm and come back and sleep on his chair after that even after 1pm. He chose to go for lunch from 12pm-1pm and knowing that there were not many staffs from 1pm-2pm. So, CH took time and sleep and when he woke up, his hair looks like Mr. Potato Head (see below) which he had not notice most of the time.

4. CH got no balls
When his staffs had done mistake, CH do not dare to confront them but instead instruct another staff to relay messages.

5. CH is a cold blooded pathetic creature
Lulu had worked under him for more than 10 years starting from the previous company and to the present company and this CH boss decided to transfer her out from his company just because that he wanted another staff whom he like to come in. CH had even told Sunny that Lulu had nothing better to do instead of downloading and watching Korean movies and cooking porridge (talk on the phone for a long time) in the office. Therefore, instead of advising Lulu, this CH decided to transfer her out. Finally with all the frustration (and maybe some croc tears), Lulu managed to cling on to her current seat and started to show a little improvement in her work by watching less Korean movies in the office and less phone calls

6. CH Always looking for Unreasonable Circumstances
It is part of CH's character when he is in full emotion. One day, CH questioned Sunny on why he had gave the company's key to his replacement.

Sunny: Why can't I gave the key to my replacement since I'll be leaving and he need to stay back!

CH: You are suppose to wait for my instruction!!

Sunny: Instruction? What is the logic behind that? Why can't I gave the key to your own staff??

CH: NO! NO!! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO WAIT FOR MY INSTRUCTION!!

Sunny: Look (arsehole!!). Firstly, did u say anything when your own Finance staff secretly holds the company key and when you find out (arsehole!), you still let her hold the keys!! Secondly, you also gave a set of keys to another staff just because what.... he brings in big business to the company?? If you are so fucking scared of people might break-in like what had happened to 1 of the sub-branch, why do you do it now? Who gave you (areshole) the instruction to permit these people to hold the company's key??

CH: (quiet....)

At this time, Sunny knew that CH is damn Tu Lan already while Sunny said he was bursting in laughter inside.

7. CH's way of providing moral support to his staffs
In order to make sure that his own staffs' attendance is perfect, CH asked his fat Lulu to prepare a staff list with the numbers of medical leave taken and emergency leaves taken by all the staffs in the company and paste it on the wall so that everyone can see.
What kind of arsehole moral support is this? Putting his own staffs to shame in public and this is what he called moral support??

8. CH favourite pastime - Talking bad about his staffs behind their back
CH really got no balls one. Whatever if he is not satisfy with his own staff, he don't dare to talk to them straight one but instead tell other staffs how bad this fellow or that fellow is. Once he told Sunny he was so pissed with his Admin staff that CH himself had shouted Tiu Na Sing!! Wow... what an arsehole boss huh. CH also even told Sunny how 'perasan' Lulu sometimes can be.

9. CH always find allies but instead choosing the wrong one.
CH always look for people that he thinks he can used. A very good example he had targeted Pepet, one of his Finance staff and Pepet also do not mind at first since she also got her own personal agenda. But what CH do not know that Pepet also cannot tahan him and Pepet also bad-mouth CH to Lulu, Sunny and also other staffs.

Once, Pepet had to do some inventory checking but instead doing on her own, Pepet passed the responsibility to other staffs and forced the staff to acknowledge some paper documents. Of course, Sunny was not dumb to sign off such papers knowing the possible consequences. So, Pepet had no choice but to acknowledge them and then shoot an email to CH stating there were some missing items that supposedly under the care of Sunny.

Instead of investigating, CH summoned Sunny and blame him. Sunny told CH that it is best to have this matter to be investigated and later Sunny found out that the items reported 'missing' by this stupid Pepet are actually sitting in the store!! Of course Pepet malu kebesaran lah. So, CH try to cover it up in the name of so called save Pepet's and his own CH's face

10. CH is actually 1 big, fat Front Door Dog (Mun How Kow)

Dogs placed at our front door (house) is to so called ward off theives or unwanted people but actually these dogs will bark ferociously in the compund of the house but the moment they were outside of the house, they are like tiny small rat; scared and timid.

This behaviour is best described CH. Lulu had occasionally told everyone that CH always got scolded pretty badly by 1 particular Sales personnel (apparently she brought in a lot of business to the company lah) for not able to provide certain things to her. Lulu said CH would just sit back with his shoulder shrugged, looking and blinking his eyes at the Sales person and nodded his head. (Aw Aw Aw......).

Sunny said that next time he got a dog, he sure will name the dog after his CH boss name one....

Conclusions
I told Sunny... cool man. This kind of people deserved to have a child borned with no back side one. Then Sunny said that he already got 2 kids liow and he do not think CH is sexually capable to have another one leh.... Haiya.... Sky Keep Him lah like that....

Wee Meng Chee!! You Lock leh

2007-07-11T19:11:00.000+08:00

A respect to our local talented singer. I wish Wee Meng Chee all the best if he decided to pursue his career in singing.

Dai!! Join lah Malaysian Idol, Astro Talent Quest or Akademi Fantasia lah!!!

And of course, they were some to imitate like below:

And in salute to the Malaysia 50th Independance, Mr. Wee had created a video dedicated for the country.

Want to open a bank account? Try Pukii !!!!

2007-07-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

I just can't get this song out of my head. It is so damn cute!!!

Kapten Gatal !!!!

2007-07-03T12:21:00.000+08:00

You see lah our local captain!!!

How To Treat CED (Canine Erectile Dysfunction)

2007-06-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

Oppps! I Did It Again!!!

2007-06-25T09:39:00.000+08:00

Good Example of Sport Hazard

2007-06-23T11:21:00.000+08:00

Why Good Partner Is Important?

2007-06-23T09:39:00.000+08:00

Good Example of Flight Hazard

2007-06-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

Good Example of Domestic Hazard

2007-06-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

Why Credit Card is Essential in Our Life?

2007-06-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

Thinking of Dating A Thai Girl?

2007-06-19T14:37:00.000+08:00

Godzilla in Thailand

2007-06-17T10:29:00.000+08:00

Don't Tease Old Ladies

2007-06-15T09:26:00.000+08:00

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

Man Can't Escape from Maiden Trap

2007-06-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

well, this is actually a direct translation by the famous Chinese proverb which literally means that, a hero falls prey by the beauty of a virgin (so to speak)

A Guide To Wear Female Condom

2007-06-09T18:57:00.000+08:00

Obviously this is for the girls lah but it is good also for guys to know so that he can guide her lah...

First-first leh, tear the wrapper gently. Don't so rush scared that you will tear the condom as well. I know things already heat up...

Next, make sure to identify which one is the outer and inner ring lah. Mafoolat!! You just don't want to use it terbalik right!!

Then, squeeze-squeeze the inner ring a bit and it should be elastic a bit lah for easy insertion into your 'volvo'

Just ignore the female picture but concentrate on steps on how to insert the condom. Obviously, this condom only applicable for non-virgin already female lah...

Ok! X-Ray sideways on how does the condom looks like inside the 'volvo'

Ok! This is how it looks like after full insertion. You just don't feel anything at all as if you did not wear anything.

For inexperienced man (or men) that you may 'ahem-ahem' with, slowly bring his little brother closer to your pleasure cave. Make sure don't so fast thrust in or else you will spend an hour looking for a plastic bag inside your volvo and you definitely do not want to end up in the hospital for medical attention in this case!!!

Ok!! Kau tim liow all the whatever scene you may have with your man (or men). Make sure you roll-roll the condom when pulling it out from your 'volvo'. You do not want the 'Tau Foo Fah' to slide down to your hand right!!

Be a responsible citizen by disposing your used condom into the sanitary bin and not flush it in the toilet.

The Good Husband

2007-06-06T09:21:00.000+08:00

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!

Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $1.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!

Joke of The Day

2007-06-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

Singapore Airlines

Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogsand cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did. Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."

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Never Insult Your Wife

Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt isbigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuringtape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!" The wife chooses to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-assgrill for one little sausage?"

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Innocence

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had neverbeen married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed acut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, andin the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could nolonger resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter??"

Parlimen BOCOR!!!

2007-06-02T09:19:00.000+08:00

Business Logic

2007-05-28T12:12:00.000+08:00

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son: "I will choose my own bride!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."

Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-President."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Morale of the Story: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive.

Your Age & Your Sex Life!!

2007-05-25T18:50:00.001+08:00

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex -(choose a number 1 to 9 only)!

2. Multiply this number by 2

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757. If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born

You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original number ( I. e., how many times you want to do it each week.)

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

Japanese Group Prank

2007-05-25T18:32:00.000+08:00

I cannot imagine this bunch of Japanese so gung-ho all out pulling tricks on others...

The Divorce Note

2007-05-23T17:25:00.000+08:00

Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forgood. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.

You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case..... I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'goodman' is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work. Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl" but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla'...was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.

Sprite Latest Advertisement

2007-05-18T11:49:00.000+08:00

Life as a IT Support Part 2

2007-05-16T17:41:00.000+08:00

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

Customer: Yeah.

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!

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Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

This is how ATM should be

2007-05-16T13:06:00.000+08:00

Weird Scenarios

2007-05-16T12:55:00.000+08:00

This was actually on TV. The commentators paused and didn't say a word...

Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out on the sidelines!

How to irk your neighbour

One happy family...

What do kids study in school nowadays..

Why would one need to wear pyjamas when they go to sleep.

Latest tattoo

The picture says it all

The Daily Life of an IT Support

2007-05-10T07:30:00.000+08:00

Life as an IT Support ain't that privilege at all compared 5 or maybe 10 years ago. Nowadays, IT supports will have to endure all sort of stress and activities such as Yoga, meditation, relaxology and most of all many supplements to take in order to maintain their ~~sanity~~ well-being; both physically and mentally.

Let me give you some examples what IT Support staffs need to endure...

So, people!! Please do have mercy on your IT Support staffs in your office. Do not make yourself dumb but acted smarter than them. Amen!!

My Colleague's Girl Friend!!

2007-05-08T16:27:00.000+08:00

I always suspicious this colleague of mine whom always shy away when people ask him about his girlfriend. One fine day, I stumbled into both of them when he work as a volunteer at a concert backstage!!

I could not believe how beautiful his girlfriend is....

"Woi!!! Jason Mok", I yelled.

Jeng, jeng, jeng....

"Hai!! My name is Leng Lui Jane!!"

Something to perk you up!!

2007-05-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

Hi guys,
sorry for the long absent. been away very busy now due to some stupid projects my beloved boss bestowed to me. I know he purposely one since he knew i can do my job well. Since the company is paying my salary, so got to do loh...

Ok guys... something to really make u laugh lah... enjoy! if u dun laugh after watching this, pls dun cum back n look for the nearest bridge or monsoon drain n drown urself since there is really no hope for u to live as a human. Better b as coarpse!!

The Pursue of Happyness

2007-04-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

The wonder of a good translation

2007-04-25T13:23:00.000+08:00

Remember I told you guys that I went to Hong Kong? OK!! I came across this restaurant with this menu outside. After reading it, I really felt tempted to try their Lan Sau Yeh (signature dishes). This is the menu.

Can You Spot The Difference?

2007-04-24T13:35:00.000+08:00

Without their clothes, they are breakfast

2007-04-24T10:33:00.000+08:00

From Taiping with love...

2007-04-23T17:04:00.000+08:00

Are you a kaki moto?

2007-04-23T14:23:00.000+08:00

Reminise The Good Old Times

2007-04-21T10:33:00.000+08:00

Bad Day?

2007-04-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

Quick Sex Jokes....Part 2

2007-04-18T15:15:00.000+08:00

Q: Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A: Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

Q: What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A: There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A: A Mechanic.

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: Pimp.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: Why are women are like tires?
A: There's always a spare.

Q: What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A: A tran-sister.

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A: I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!

Q: What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A: Erection Sets.

Q: Where do fags park?
A: In the rear.

Q: What's the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A: A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Q: What does a female snail say during sex?
A: Faster, faster, faster!

Q: What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A: Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

Q: What's red and blue with a long string?
A: A smurfette with her period.

Q: What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A: A pubic hair.

Q: Define "Egghead"
A: What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Q: How can you tell if you have acne?
A: If the blind can read your face.

Q: Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A: Wool!

Q: What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A: Goes-in-tight!

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.

Q: Why don't little girls fart?
A: Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q: Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause?
A: Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: What's the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q: Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A: When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A: They don't stop for directions.

Q: Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A: He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q: Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A: The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q: How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A: Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A: Marry it.

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A: Give it a nipple.

Q: What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A: Fur traders.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: When his hand caught on fire.

Q: What's better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy

Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A: Better traction.

Q: What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: Push it aside and keep on eating...

Q: How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A: Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q: How do you teach a blond math?
A: Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q: What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A: I feel like a kid again!

Q: What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A: Two test tickles

Q: What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A: A bloody waste of fucking time.

Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q: What is the first sign of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: Gagged

Q: What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A: You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A: Place to hang their air freshener.

Quick Sex Jokes...Part 1

2007-04-17T13:44:00.000+08:00

Q: How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A: One of his fingers is clean.

Q: Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A: So men can be open minded.

Q: What's the biggest fish in the world?
A: A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you.
A: When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Q: Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
A: They're called 'Predickamints'

Q: What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A: Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Q: What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A: One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
A: Nothing.

Q: How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
A: Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?
A: Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?

Q: Whats the difference between parsley and pussy?
A: Nobody eats parsley.

Q: What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A: Kermits Finger

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q:What's the best thing about a blow job?
A:Ten minutes of silence!

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
A: Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q: How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A: The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.

Q: What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo

Q: What is a zebra?
A: 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q: What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A: Good morning Girls

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A: A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Q: How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A: At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A: One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Q: Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A: It works by changing your blood type!!

Q: What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A: Toys for Twats

Q: How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
A: Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q: What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
A: A navel.

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A: You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.

Q: Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q: What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
A: A Klondike Bar

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove!

Q: What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

A: Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q: Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A: They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q: What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A: Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q: What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A: They both like a tight seal.

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A: You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q: What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A: WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q: What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A: We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q: What's the difference between love and herpes?
A: Love doesn't last forever.

Q: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A: Call her and tell her.

Q: A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
A: The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q: Why do women have small feet?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: How do men sort out their laundry?
A: Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q: What's the difference between a man and ET?
A: ET phoned home.

Q: Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A: It doesn't need cleaning.

Sorry... I was away!

2007-04-17T13:30:00.000+08:00

Hi MaFooLat loyal readers,

I apologize for not posting anything for the past 5 days. I was away holidaying at Hong Kong and just came back yesterday evening. Will let you MaFoolat loyal readers about my excitement and pleasurement of my 5D4N stay in Kowloon Tong, Hong Kong.

Brother Wai

Primary Student Written Composition

2007-04-06T13:21:00.000+08:00

The Consenquences

2007-04-06T09:15:00.000+08:00

Types of 003

2007-04-05T10:33:00.000+08:00

Got Tagged by Ah Pek!!

2007-04-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

Haiya... tiu lah this time. An underdog like me got tagged by the Heavenly Blogger Ah Pek. No thanks to Ah Pek when he wrote about his dream vacation to ~~Hamlan~~ Hailam Island. And Ah Pek, the Heavenly Blogger had summoned to perform the following:

Proposition : Where do you want to go Next, OUTSIDE OF YOUR COUNTRY, for tourism, work , study, whatever.

Requirements: Find some info about the place, itinerary etc, pics if possible so you get MORE Traffic coming in, and maybe some people can find somewhere to go to. Excludes your NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR, ie Singapore,Malaysia,Brunei, a country that borders yours.You must register for MyBloglog so we can blogwalk ah…..get it?

Quantity : FIVE PEOPLE.

Tag Mode : Chain Link. 15 of them.You leave 15 people and their DEEP LINK of their Blog Name and TAGGED POST and hit out for five more. So it will look like

Azrin going Down Under
MaRLinda in Disneyland Paris
Athira Baby and her Balamory Antics
Msau to Japan
Shoppingmum to Europe
Angeleyes off to Bora-Bora
Giddy Tiger snorkelling in The Maldives
Jess to Europe
Mybabybay wants to go Round The World
Immomsdaughter visit World Heritage New Zealand
Just My Thoughts whale watching at Monterey Bay
Sweetpea sipping Cab Sauv in Tuscany
Giddy Tiger snorkelling in The Maldives
SiwwyPig to Europe
Doris Chua to the Carribeans

**Add in the blog you got the tag from and tagged post.** (In this case, for example, you should add “Ah Pek to Hailam Island“)

Extra Rules: you cannot Tag another person who has performed the Tagging Rights to Travel. Check yr commentators.You MUST PASS this tag within 7 days of receiving it , or lose a day’s worth of Blog Revenue or $10 to charity. Can?Makes it interesting anyway.So no Lazy Tags running about, and yeah, eventually, there will be less than a 1:3 chance you can’t tag that someone. And pay those people in the list a visit, you never know if you can pinch / recycle some ideas for your next entry!

Tiu... i am so damn new in this blogging world and now got so heavy task and some more tag 5 people. God have mercy leh to those I tag.

Anyway, to respect in the name of honour, Heavenly Blogger Ah Pek, without further a tiu, i will start about where I want to go for vacation. After much extensive research and contacted with Indonesia gomen, I am happy to say, I want to go to Bali !!!

Where is Bali you ask? Haiya.. see map below lah....

Name: Bali (pronounced as Barrr - Leee)
Population: Ngam-ngam 3, 216, 113.5 (point 5 because as of this time got a baby half through delivery)
Capital City: Denpasar (got nothing to do with market!!)
Languages: Bahasa Indonesia (official), English, Dutch and many local dialects (WARNING!! Never assume that Malay language is the same as Indonesian language. You try and say meme (pronounce as mehmeh) to a girl and see...)

Flag: (No!! This is not Bali flag and for those who have no clue how Indonesian flag looks like)
Official Currency: Indonesian Rupiah (But they get super excited when you show them US Dollars)
Religions: Hindus (about 90%), Protestant, Muslim, Buddisht and others (Their Hindus don't look like Hindus in Malaysia.)
Geographic Coordinates: 08° 39S, 115° 13E (for those freaking Science bastard who wanted to know the exact location)
Land Area: 5,632 sq km (only!!)
Terrain: ~~Dormant volcanoes (some exceeding 3,000 meters) stretch across the island. Tropical rain forests, crater lakes and rivers dot the landscape.~~ White sand beaches are on the southern coastline.

One famous place I want to visit in Bali besides the ~~bitches~~ beaches is the famous Tanah Lot (Landlord)

They say Tanah Lot see sunset is the most beautiful in the world. Some say the sun is very much rounder and not so hot one. According to legend, if you bring someone you ~~want to get laid~~ love, then watching sunset here and ~~ask for one night stand~~ confess your love, chances are very high that you will get positive outcome!

Then next, of course like all other typical ~~ah pek~~ chinaman, it is about food loh. One of Bali famouse dish is Celeng Guling (refer below for the yummy picture)

Note that it is a custom that you must order 1 whole pig and finish it or else you will be hang by their Penjor (see below)

Next, the another exotic cuisine is of course ~~Tetek Berkutu~~ Bebek Betutu. (Grilled duck lapped in banana leaf)

Besides exotic cuisines, Bali is also popular for their silverwares which you can find abundant at Celuk (pronounced as G-Yok). They have wide range of silverware but I heard they are very famous for 12 zodiac sign silverwares like below.

This also many like as well..

Besides silverware, the famous Bali wood can be also be found at a town called Ubud and their most popular Bali wood merchandise is definitely these....

Orait..... next, is to Kuta town where all the actions are. Heard that Kuta was bombed before but hey what the heck man... the terrorist only target ang mohs only. Asian they give face one. Kuta is where all the life is and you can get 'Smoke Banana' almost everywhere for a very, very, very reasonable price if you know how to bargain...

Above is some smoke banana action.....

Smoke Banana.... smoke banana.... remember that song??

OK.. that is the end of my 'Where-I-Want-To-Go-For-My-Vacation' essay.

Now, the tagging part...

Firstly, i lely lely apologized is that i do not know many bloggers since I am so damn new in the blog world. Therefore I could not leave 15 people deep-deep into their link. Maybe one day if I had been promoted as Heavenly Blogger, then ~~all die man~~ I got no problem go deep-deep into their link.

For now, I will tag the following Bloggers:-

1. My Setapak HizeCool Junior

2. Newly known blogger whom is the Director of Measuring Land

3.The one who always talk about the Mighty Sky

and last but not least...

4. For my usual Han 5 Cha, I will always go for Rojakss

Enjoy ya guys...~~muahahahahahaha~~

Tagged by Ah Pek at Ah Pek to Hailam Island

Exercise Your Butt

2007-04-03T13:03:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder how you get that butt to be more bootylicious?? Do this exercise 3x a day...

Sex Excuses

2007-04-03T09:33:00.000+08:00

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

* 54 times the sheets were clean
* 17 times it was too late
* 49 times you were too tired
* 20 times it was too hot
* 15 times you pretended to be sleep
* 22 times you had a headache
* 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
* 16 times you said you were too sore
* 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
* 19 times you had to get up early
* 9 times you said weren't in the mood
* 7 times you were sunburned
* 6 times you were watching the late show
* 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
* 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
* 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not stisfactory because:
* 6 times you just laid there
* 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
* 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
* 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
* 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

* 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the dog
* 36 times you did not come home at all
* 21 times you didn't cum
* 33 times you came too soon
* 19 times you went soft before you got in
* 38 times you worked too late
* 10 times you got cramps in your toes
* 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
* 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
* 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
* 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
* 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
* 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
* 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
* 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV

Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the heets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.

Short Sex Stories

2007-04-02T10:33:00.000+08:00

Question: Why is the "69" position is also called the "smokers position?"
Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.

Question: Why sperm donation is more expensive rather than blood donation?
Answer: Because it's HANDMADE!!

An old man married a young girl.On wedding night he showed five fingers to his wife.
Young girl : Ooh.. darling! 5 times?
Old man : No dear, choose which one you prefer to start.

Man 1 : My wife is obsess with cars. while asleep, she holds my bird & say 1st gear, 2nd gear.
Man 2 : My wife is worst, she puts my bird inside her and say "Full Tank" pls.

Question : What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer : Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble.

Question : What is the smallest hotel in the world?
Answer : It's Virginia because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant and left 2 baggage outside!

2 prostitutes (bitches) were in a taxi, on their way home after "work".
Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!!
Bitch 2 : Sorry, I just burped!!

Priceless

2007-04-02T09:29:00.000+08:00

The ever wonder, Mastercard advertisment...

How Do You Describe Your Friend?

2007-03-31T09:33:00.002+08:00

There are 8 ways i can describe you as a good friend.

- Lifely, Adorable, Nice, Caring, Heartful, Encouraging, Optimistic and Wonderful.
In short you are my L.A.N.C.H.E.O.W. friend.

There are 7 ways i can describe you as a caring friend.
- Clever, Happy, Enjoyable, Entertaining, Bubbly, Young and Exciting.
In short you are my C.H.E.E.B.Y.E friend.

There are 6 ways i can describe you as an understanding friend.
- Caring,Humble, Intelligent, Playful, Easy-going and Toughtful.
In short you are a C.H.I.P.E.T. friend.

There are 5 ways i can describe you as a best friend.
- Fashionable, Up-to-date, Cute, Kind-Hearted and Understanding.
In short F.U.C.K.U.

The Word 'TIU'

2007-03-31T09:33:00.001+08:00

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful word in Cantonese today is the word "TIU" It is one magical word which just by the sound can describe pleasure, hate and love.

"TIU" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb both transitive (eg. Goh tiu-ed Irene) and intransitive (eg. Irene was tiu-ed by Goh).

It can be a noun (eg. Goh doesn't give a tiu about Irene) or an adverb (Irene is tiu-ing beautiful). It should be obvious by now that there are not many words as versatile as the word "Tiu". Besides its sexual connotation, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations:

Fraud - Ngor pei yan tiu chor
Dismay - Tiu nia ma hai
Trouble - Yi chi tiu lor
Aggression - Tiu kow lei
Passive - Tiu ngor..??
Confusion - Tiu mat chat?
Difficulty - Tiu, ng chat meng ah...
Despair - Yi bai tiu lorr
Philosophical - Mm lan tiu hai lah..
Incompetence - Oh, tiu lo
Displeasure - Tiu, fart sang meh yeh si ah??
Laziness - Tiu lan tow hai...
Rebellion - Tiu chart hoi!
Direction - Ma chat tiu tei fong lei kah???

The mind really boggles at the many creative uses. How could anyone be offended when you say the word "TIU"? Use it in your daily speech - it adds to your PRESTIGE!

Tell someone today TIU - we meet again!

Affair in the making!! Live on video

2007-03-30T13:40:00.001+08:00

I think I must say either these couple are really stupid without realizing that there are indeed CCTV installed inside the elevator or their sperms and ovums (respectively) had started to overflow in their glands that had blocked their cow sense!

Sex is definitely good for you!!

2007-03-30T12:56:00.001+08:00

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?

1. Sex is a ~~beauty~~ treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Morning Eye Exercise!!

2007-03-30T08:29:00.000+08:00

DID YOU READ THE WRITINGS OR YOU ARE LOOKING AT OTHER STUFFS??

How To Make Your Wife Faithful To You?

2007-03-30T08:10:00.000+08:00

but this is only applicable to Indian culture...

The 6 Affairs

2007-03-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, They fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they alwayswanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen.
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have to show you something you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?!'

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.'
There's no need to,' his wife replied. 'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

An Ass That Ruins A Man's Life!!

2007-03-29T11:58:00.000+08:00

A tale of many neighbouring countries when 1 tries to be extra cleverer than the others without compassion by Malaysian in the "Malaysia boleh" spirit!

A Prime Minister entered his donkey in a race and it won. The PM was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The Malaysian & local paper read:

PM'S ASS OUT FRONT

The PM’s mentor (PMM) was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the PM not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the Malaysian & local paper headline read:

PMM SCRATCHES PM'S ASS

This was too much for the PMM, so he ordered the PM to get rid of the donkey. The PM decided to give it to his Wife. The Malaysian & local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline thenext day:

PM's Wife HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The PMM fainted. He informed the PM's Wife that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a Malaysian for RM10. The next day the paper read:

PM's Wife SELLS ASS to Malaysian FOR RM$10

This was too much for PMM, so he ordered the PM's Wife to buy back the donkey and the PM's Wife did so & lead it to the Malaysian jungles where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:

PM's wife ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The PMM was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Joke of the Day

2007-03-29T10:18:00.000+08:00

Joke 1
A man is visiting his wife in the hospital where she has been in a coma for several weeks. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. Upon doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests the man rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor is amazed, calling this a real breakthrough. The doctor then suggests the man to go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside since this is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in, them comes out about 10 minutes later and tell the doctor his wife is dead.

The doctor asks, "What happened?"

To which the man replies,"She choked...."

Joke 2
Q: What is the most sensitive part of the body during masturbation?
A: Your ears - to listen to footsteps.

Joke 3
Q: Why are masturbation and procrastination the same thing?
A: Because either way you end up screwing yourself.

Joke 4
Two whales were swimming in the ocean. One of them notices a whaling ship up on the surface and says to the other.

"Hey, that looks like the same whaling ship thatgot our friend just the other day."

The other whale says, "I think you are right. I've got an idea. Let's go blow some bubbles underneath and tip the boat over."

Both whales agree and before long men are spilling into the ocean.

The first whale says, "Okay, let's have some more fun, and go eat some of those men."

The second whale replies, "I don't mind a good blow job but I draw a line at swallowing seamen...."

Joke 5
Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma, "Screw you Ma."

A minute goes by and Ma says, "Screw you Pa". Another minute goes by and Pa says, "Screw you Ma."

Another minutes goes by and Ma said to Pa, "Screw you Pa." Yet another minute goes by and Pa says to Ma, "Screw you Ma".

A couple of minutes go by and Pa says to Ma, "I don't know about you Ma, but I just don't get too much out of this oral sex thing......"

GPS Mobile Phone Tracking Technology

2007-03-29T09:58:00.000+08:00

Guys!! The technology that we wanted all this while is finally out. This GPS handphone tracking facility will help you to find your colleagues, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your family, your secret admirer and even your Tu Lan enemy wherever and whenever. Just enter the country of the mobile and then key in the mobile number (No need to put in country code lah since you already selected the country you dum gai!!)

I could not believed that it can show where I was!!! Oh man!!!!

Go to this site Mobile Phone GPS Tracking Technology

Above: Enter the country and phone number

Above: Search and DESTROY!!!

Malaysian Drivers and Their Origin

2007-03-28T09:58:00.000+08:00

1. One hand on wheel,one hand on horn - IPOH driver

2. One hand on wheel, one hand out the window with cigarette - KEPONG driver

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic - DOWNTOWN KUALA LUMPUR driver

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on parang, foot solidly on accelerator - JOHOR driver

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, hands-free on the lap - BANGSAR driver

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in fear - FOREIGNER, driving in MALAYSIA

7. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, talking on cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel while stuck in traffic - SUBANG JAYA DRIVER on Federal Highway!

8. One hand on wheel, one hand on passengers head rest, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing rambutans or durian shells out the window - KARAK HIGHWAY, KUANTAN driver.

9. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, READY-TO-KILL attitude, rear window stickers read "Make my day", beer cans on floor, wedding ribbon still attached to antenna - CONSTRUCTION SITE, PUCHONG driver

10. One hand on the handphone, another hand picking nose, One leg on the dash board, another leg crossed on the seat with a beer can in the middle turning anywhere he likes, parking anywhere he likes, in fact, driving anywhere he likes. Aaahhh ... this is a heaven for drivers ...welcome to PENANG!

11. Two hands gripping tightly to the wheel, eyes glued on the windscreen, alternately stepping on the accelerator and brakes every 5 seconds - WOMAN DRIVER

A Practical Guide to Right Living

2007-03-27T09:58:00.000+08:00

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?""Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button."Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine."I just need one copy."

Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

**************************************************************

A crusty old man walked into a bank and said to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."To which the astonished woman replied: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?""Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!""I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."Having said this, the teller left the window and went over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both returned and the manager asked the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?""There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man said. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!""I see," said the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"

Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything. ***********************************************

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc......"The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of '-key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!"The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Lesson III - Never insult anyone.

**************************************************************

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes accidents do happen.

Learn Cantonese in 5 Minutes

2007-03-26T09:58:00.000+08:00

That's not right................................................... Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive........................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me ASAP...................................................... Kum Hia

Stupid Man......................................................... Dum Gai

Small Horse........................................................ Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach.................................... Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped the coffee table................................. Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift................................ Chin Tu Fat

It's Very dark in here....................................... Wao So Dim

I Thought you were on a diet.......................... Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone................................... No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week......... Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight.......................................... Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile .......................... Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive............................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

How To Stay Alert in Office

2007-03-25T13:27:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder how you have to go to work the next day after you party like Ah G Ah 9 later tonight?

Use this.... comes in various sizes and shapes.

And you will look like this...

Even your next cubicle colleague also could not tell the difference (only for those who don't have pig snores problem)

Uncle Ho Wants You

2007-03-25T09:58:00.000+08:00

Uncle Ho Holdings, Malaysia's largest manufacturer, distributor and retailer of quality pirated and bootleg VCDs, DVDs, Audio CDs, CD-ROMS seeks suitable candidates for our rapidly expanding organisation.From our humble beginnings in Petaling Street in 1998, we are currently operating more than 68,000 outlets in the Klang Valley & Johor Baru. We have managed to secure at least 4 stalls outside every convenience shop, 8 stalls outside every coffee shop and 50 stalls at every pasar malam. We're expanding into every housing and commercial areas, making us the biggest outdoor retailing company in the world with over 16 million discs sold daily.Our high-tech multi million ringgit manufacturing facilities are now operated on ships anchored in international waters to circumvent local copyright laws. We are gearing for an IPO(Initial Public Offering) and are in the process of applying for MSC status as Malaysia's largest multimedia company.

Be a Franchisee
We offer exciting and profitable franchising opportunities for retrenched workers, unemployed individuals and ex-convicts. - Set-up cost is a low RM500, including an inventory of 150 titles, portable iron stands, plywood and red table cloth.- As the franchisor, we'll provide you with protection against local gangsters, unsatisfied customers, enforcement officers and post bail if required. All confiscated items are our responsibilty and will be returned to you within 2 working days. - You will be rotated with other resellers from nearby areas to reduce the rate of return or exchange for defective copies.

- For an additional investment of RM1200, a battered 25-year-old car will be provided as a mobile store. - As part of the Uncle Ho Network, you'll be provided with access to VIEWS(tm)(VCD Inspectors Early Warning System). By placing well trained informers in every enforcement agencies, we're able to eliminate the 'surprise element'.- While we take every precaution to warn you of impending raids, we highly recommend the purchase of an unlicensed walkie talkie. You'll be able to network with other franchisees through the wireless system and receive additional news and warnings. As the largest purchaser of Motorola GP300 Walkie Talkies, we're also able to supply you units at very attractive prices.

Our Mission Statement

- To provide Malaysian youths with employment and a stable source of income.

- To help promote Malaysia as the top regional technology and multimedia hub in the true spirit of 'Malaysia Boleh'.

-To make available in Malaysia the latest blockbuster 30 days before its international release.

- To fight American hegemony by reducing the profits of Hollywood studios and Bill Gates.

- To place a stall every 25 feet on every five foot ways throughout Malaysia.

- To reduce the rate of defective discs to 25%.

- To send every VHS player into early retirement and to achieve total extinction of the format by by 2004.

Join Us Full Time (Vacancies Available KL/PJ/Cyberjaya)

Reseller (26,000 positions, Nationwide)
Job Description: Operate mobile five foot way stalls.

Requirements: Preferably chinese males aged 16 - 22 with blond hair.

Possession of own waist pouch to store X-Rated titles will be an added advantage.

Benefits: Flexi-hours and additional one 'day off' each year during major annual operasi.

Graphic Artist (3 positions, Cyberjaya)
Job Description: Design covers/inlays for movie titles. Copy latest movie listings from IMDB's website.

Requirements: Very rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop. Ability to design blockbuster-looking or porno-looking covers for mediocre movies will be an added advantage.

Benefits: Free 10 copies of (pirated) software programs every month.

Camera Operator (15 positions, Klang Valley)
Job Description: Capture movies being screened in cinemas without being noticed.

Requirements: Ability to operate camcorder. Good knowledge of seating positions in major cineplexes so as to capture entire screen without tilt or distortion. Ability to hold your cough for 90 minutes and munch popcorn silently is an added advantage.

Benefits: Free popcorn and movie passes every month.

Purchasing Officer (1 position, Cyberjaya)
Job Description: To buy back consficated items at a reasonable price.

Requirements: Preferably Malays. Good negotiation skills. Ex-employees of city and town councils are encouraged to apply.
Benefits: Easy settling of parking summons and other fines. Please send your resume to:
The Group Human Resource Manager.
Syarikat Kumpulan Uncle Ho VCD, DVD, CD, CD-ROM
Holdings & Group Of Companies (Malaysia) (1998) Sdn Bhd.
E-Mail: carikerja@uncleho.com

Community Service / News / Promotions

· As a responsible corporate citizen, we provide free Video-to-VCD conversion for all MAS cabin crew, subject to subject in video.

· We offer big discounts on (un-sellable) art house films and award-winning Iranian movies as a way of promoting quality films to the masses.

· Mother's Day Special - Special pack of 10 movies to watch with your mother non-stop this Sunday. Guaranteed no sex scenes. Promotional price: RM 30

· New stalls opening in front of KLIA Main Terminal Building this June & in Taman Negara this July.

Can You Solve This Puzzle?

2007-03-23T11:33:00.002+08:00

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers. One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly!!!!!!!!!!! The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time?? Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.Still you couldn't.........

Think hard

Don't give up...

Tired???

Wanna know the answer??

Answer :

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???

OK, OK.... No violence please!!!

Got Frustrated At Work?

2007-03-23T11:33:00.001+08:00

My Boss Buys Me Breakfast??

2007-03-23T11:33:00.000+08:00

Usually I don't really expose my personal life in my blog since I think I got so much things better to do but what happened this morning thus had changed my perception liow.

As the title of this post had spelled out, my boss bought me breakfast which he had not done since I had been working under his fucking arse for the past 4.23 years. Although it is just 2 packets of fat rice (Lat Sei Lia Ma) but the sentiment counts (my foot!!!). I was numbed and speechless for the 1st time with my boss (apparently took me 2.38 secs to regain my composer), i actually say TQ ah.

I examined the 2 packets of fat rice like those seen in CSI; god knows whether it was purchased yesterday (or even a week ago). Aiyooo... it is warm woh... (ok, ok.... don't get excited leh I told myself). Then I saw a familiar thing about the packets of fat rice.... it was from the kakak warong just outside my office. How can I tell? There got their own leng pai (chop) on the paper wrapping loh....

Honestly, i dun feel Kam Thung or what. So, i told my colleagues and they go like Waahhhhhhhhh..... (so what i said). At last, I lelong the fat rice (under table!)

Post Mortem Whem Man and Woman Go For Lunch

2007-03-21T11:33:00.000+08:00

Man
1. Lunch time, walk to the restaurant
2. Enter the restaurant
3. Take plate with rice
4. Choose ‘soong’
5. Give the tau keh look see
6. Pay money and look for table to Tup Toi
7. Order drink and start eating
8. Finish meal, swipe oily mouth with hand
9. Walk back to office
10. Sleep

Woman
1. Lunch time!! Go make up at toilet with colleagues
2. Walk to restaurant holding hands while watching other people walking or their clothes
3. Become fashion critics / gossips
4. While walking, look at shoe or make sure clothes are proper using the shop’s window glass as mirror
5. Reach restaurant, look see look see around first
6. Feng shui not ngam, look for other restaurant
7. Repeat 5 – 6 till suitable restaurant found
8. Survey food first like shark
9. Order food and sit down
10. Tell drink waiter to come back later because got gossip
11. Order drink
12. Drink come and start to inspect the glass, the straw, the spoon etc for clealiness
13. Pay money to drink waiter after satisfy with health check
14. Food come, pay money and continue gossip
15. After 5 minutes, then finally eat.
16. Complained about the food already cold, not nice, too oily, not enough kicap etc
17. Did not finish food and continue gossip
18. Make a move when started to realize other people wanted the table
19. Survey food 1 more round like shark for tea break
20. Tapau kueh and walk back to office
21. Complain about the weather, the traffic, the people and gossip continue
22. Stop by pharmacy to get monthly ‘supplies’ or see whether got free lipstick testing
23. Almost 2 o’clock, complained late liow
24. Run quickly go back office
25. Stop by toilet and apply make up
26. Go to office sit down and take the phone and call friend and gossip

No wonder women are more complex than men :p

Communication Breakdown?

2007-03-20T11:33:00.001+08:00

Memo from Director General to Manager

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information.Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes.For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to Staff

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director general disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

Shaolin Soccer....The Missing Part

2007-03-20T11:33:00.000+08:00

Remember that all time favourite movie, Shaolin Soccer played by Stephen Chow?

If age had served you badly, click HERE to refresh your memory.

Anyway, the following clip was not featured in the original movie (which I wonder why). See this up, close and personal of the missing part.

Where Tonite Going To Have Sex Leh??

2007-03-19T11:33:00.000+08:00

Tired of having sex in your bedroom all the time? Need a change of scenery and some exotic inspiration? If you want to shake things up….try some of these kinky options.

THE GREAT OUTDOORS

Pros: Fresh air, sunshine/moonlight on your naked bodies and the thrill of being naughty.
Cons: Poison ivy, mosquitoes, sand/dirt lodged in ’strange’ orifices, getting busted by Girl Scouts or Tok Kadi.

THE BOSS’S DESK

Pros: The satisfaction of having a sly secret whenever you’re called in for a meeting; being the only person who knows where that odd stains on his desk and making your office a more pleasant environment to work in; plus a reason to work overtime.
Cons: Dangerous fountain pens and staple removers to watch out for; Mak Timah, the cleaning woman might be watching from the closet and possible hidden cameras that may land you on TV3 Special Live Telecast.

THE LAUNDRY ROOM

Pros: Just wait till you hit the spin cycle.
Cons: tatic electricity; lint in your most private nools and crannies; plus you’re bound to lose a sock.

BACKSEAT OF YOUR CAR

Pros: Reliving your adolescence; smooth tunes on the radio and fogging up the windows.
Cons: No frigging room and many ‘manoevures’ cannot be perfomed; undergarments getting lost under the seats; and polis shining their lampu suluh onto your bare ass.

UNDERWATER

Pros: Romantic sound of crashing waves, seagulls and harbor lights.
Cons: Unexpected friction between moving parts; drowning, sharks, piranhas, jellyfish and swimsuits floating away.

UP ON THE ROOF

Pros: Spectacular view and open air.
Cons: TV3 news helipcopters and gawking people in higher buildings.

ON THE VIDEO
Pros: Feeling like a porno stud? Having the tape and watch later and relieve the HOT XXX action.
Cons: Having your Tai Yee Ma watch the tape by mistake and suffer a heart attack.

PARENT’S HOUSE

Pros: Aren’t we the naughtiest little boy and girl?
Cons: Getting busted - could scar you for life and ruin sex forever.

How You Should Write Your Resignation Letter?

2007-03-18T11:33:00.000+08:00

Sample #1

Dear Sir/Madam:
You are an idiot, and I can prove it. First of all, you never realized my full potential. Second, you never even learned my name. And thirdly, you don't even know how to turn your computer on without instructions. I suggest you make an appointment with your doctor to have your head examined ASAP. He should be able to confirm the fact that you have a giant piece of crap lodged between your ears instead of a brain.Once you've done that, you should probably also check your boots for stain marks from all of the employees you kicked over the years.So, in other words, Sir/Madam, I resign from this crappy job. Good luck ruining other people's lives, I'm outta here.

Sincerely,
Ma Foo Lat

Sample #2

Dear Sir/Madam:
I can't believe I've spent the last three years of my life working for someone like you. You are unprofessional, boring, ugly and extremely dumb. I think that you should take some vacation time so that your employees can actually have fun at work for awhile. It's amazing how much everyone hates you. I was considering giving you two weeks, but after thinking about it some more I've decided that I'd rather sell oranges on the side of the highway before spending one more day working for you. Consider me officially resigned!

Sincerely,
Ma Foo Lat

Sample #3 (Especially for System Administrator)

An actual letter of resignation from an IT employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr Baker,
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers.Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, You are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me " back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are.

Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Rejected Interviews! Becareful when you answer

2007-03-17T11:33:00.000+08:00

Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.

Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

Story III

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this effect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not effect the company's reputation but because company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

Story V

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper"! (Job hoper lah!)

Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness will effect our managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested in you!!

Hong Kong Actress cum Radio DJ, Ng Kuan Yue

2007-03-16T11:33:00.000+08:00

Listen to this. It is so hilarious that I shed tears hearing it. It is about this Joey guy declared himself as the King of No-Women-Want-To-Date-Him and he is calling a HK radio station and spoken to Ng Kuan Yue.

if it fails to play, you may download HERE

Top 10 reasons why we SHOULD NOT buy pirated DVDs

2007-03-15T11:33:00.000+08:00

1. Free black plastic bag
You can’t get those cool black coloured bags anywhere. The ones sold outside are too big and they are meant for the tong sampah.

2. Family bond every weekend
When you go to Summit USJ, you can se little kids running to the DVD shop to select their favourite Pokemon cartoon DVD. And then mommy will come along to find her favourite Teresa Teng DVD. Next comes big sister to select her F4 DVD. And lastly, big bro and daddy searching for the latest movies … and try to eye for some you-know-what DVD. Anyway, the whole idea is, the pirated DVD shop is like a place for weekend family reunion. When was the last time you saw daddy buying little Billy a DVD in Speedy Video?

3. Cinema sucks
When you reach the cinema, you’ll have to line up for 15 minutes before it’s your turn to get the ticket. By then, they tell you ticket sudah habis. So you buy tickets for the next show and have to wait another 3 hours. When the time comes, the ticket usher stops you from bringing nasi lemak and cha-kuay-teow into the hall. So you’re forced to line up another 10 minutes in the snack bar. By then, you’re already late for the show. Lampu sudah tutup when you go in. Oooppss .. terjatuh and everyone laughs at you. Next, the cinema bores you with 15 minutes of iklan. Frankly speaking, I dunno why the government ban ‘XXX’ DVDs when all the beer commercials in the cinema feature sluts dancing around. Later, your handphone rings and everyone boos you. At last, the show ends but you’ll need to beratur through the smelly exit. After 30 mintues, you notice that your handphone is lost. The only thing good about cinemas is the fact that you can throw kua-chi on the floor.

4. Customer Friendly Sellers
Buying DVDs from the stall is like dining in a luxury restaurant. First, those blond hair sellers will greet you with ‘leng-chai’. It’s now time to order the meal. If you know what to order, they will search the title for you. But if you’re undecided, these fellas will suggest some ‘meals’ for you. Strangely, all movies (according to them) are nice to watch. When you’ve finished, here comes the main course. The rectangular box containing all the ‘finest artistic international’ stuff. And you can bargain too! But when you buy DVDs from Speedy Video, the shop assistants will stand few meters away from you, with their arms tied and eyes alert, thinking that you’re another shoplifter. 5. Beli barang buatan Malaysia
The title says it all. No need to say more.6. Cut Cut Here, Cut Cut There
You go to the movies…while watching the most suspense part in a love movie….as the guy and girl are about to kiss…all of a sudden, the screen goes into matrix mode. And then it changes to some dull scene. Doesn’t this sound familiar? Say thank you to our censorship board for helping us remove the “naughty” parts. You never get this when you buy pirated DVDs.

7. Malaysians Got Turned On When There Is Sales!!
6 years ago, piracy was a minority because of the original DVD pricing and contents. 3 years ago, they increased original DVD prices by 70% and say it’s because of import duties, tax and other crap. While at the same time, the pirated DVD prices drop by 50% - 70%. Customers would prefer to buy from a sale right?

8. Educating Malaysians
Piracy helps students to learn new programs at a reduced price cost. If every student is going to spend RM800 just to buy Adobe Photoshop, then Malaysia would lag behind in the computer graphics industry. So in the long run, Malaysia’s economic status becomes better with more knowledgeable citizens.

9. Increase GDP
As people are willing to spend money on pirated DVDs but not that willing to buy original cds, they are circulating the money and helping to increase the GDP. This also helps to increase sales of DVD players.

10. Latest Movies Ever
Pirated DVDs offer the latest movies, even before they are shown in the U.S.! Compare this to original DVDs,where you have to wait for a few months after the movie is first released.

Testing your Hokkien skills

2007-03-14T11:33:00.000+08:00

Cinderella story with a twist....Just got this from my Ah Beng and Ah Lian friends in Southpoint and I can't stop laughing (even though I failed)...

Instructions
1. Read the passage ~~carefully~~ and understand (try your very best lah)
2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do also can.Section A : Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Singalella why become rich
Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella. She got two sisters, but the stepmarder hor, and the sisters hor, all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso. Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah. Everyday must cooklah, cleanlah, rublah, massagelah, blow also simi sai mah pao-kah-liao. If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak. Tak jit zho kah tau-hin. CPF poon boh. Then no new shares oso No money to contribute S$50 ..cannot go out to bank also. But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party. So he say, "oeh, long chong kee ah." Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her marder say, 'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru your sisters wu standard.

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and marder. Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai. That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggimee. Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua boh kee party?' So Singaalella kong, 'I-wan, lau bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.' She never expect but the neighbour say, 'Aiyah, keelah, I give you money.' So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different. She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock at night olredi. At the party, Ah Ming also quite shien because the char bor all buay sui one. Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing. Just as Ah Ming told himself, 'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat' Singalella came in. Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.

'Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai.'

Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!' Singalella say Ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there. But then just it was 12 'clock one ah pek die on the dance floor. He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number so after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban. So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee. Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.GRADES: Gauge Your command of Hokkien

1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly: Hokkien Eh Sai, Bo Beh Zhao. (Grade A1)

2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly: Zhia Lat (Grade A2)

3. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball ? Leow Leow, Mai Ka Lang Kong You is Hokkien Singabolean (Grade E8)

4. Don't understand rating: Kee See lah, Wah Mana Eh Zhai Lee Kong Simi? (Grade F9)
* Ah see lee bah lu gia A2, mian kee gia ritten exemanation.

Dai! No Pork Here lah

2007-03-13T11:33:00.000+08:00

This secretly recorded audio conversation, without the consent of an Indian waiter with 2 ~~(try to be idiots)~~ Chinese men at a local mamak store somewhere in Malaysia. As I listen the conversation, it reminds me of an episode that was featured in My Life as McDull, the cute little pig when he order his lunch meal.

Listen carefully to the conversation...

How To Make Your Fart Smell Good!!

2007-03-12T11:33:00.001+08:00

Wah! Glade got come out with a new product leh, ma foo lat ah!! Good to those who always not just fart a lot but to those who fart that smells like you had been eating carcasses (bangkai haiwan or Sei See) or have not doing your bowel thingy (berak or Ore See) for 1 week.

The Beautiful of Malaysia

2007-03-12T11:33:00.000+08:00

Narrator: See Pui Kia! Which road to take lah buggar!!

Narrator: Make way for the VIPs

Adik Kelang: OK... bersedia... Pusingan Korner Baring!!

Pak Mat: Senang tak de pintu ni. Kan ada api senang pak cik nak lari.

Nasi Lemak Seller: Mari, mari... nasi lemak ada di jual di sini. Ada saiz A, B, C, D dan XXL

AirCon Installer Man: Nyonya jangan lisau. Wa lulu keje serkes punya.

WPH2296 Owner: Yong yee chi tou pin yet ko van hai ngo ge ma!! (Easy to know which van belongs to me mah!)

Narrator: As you can see, it is not against any law in the country. Can you see any Yellow Boxes? No what!!!

JJ & Rudy sings, "I wonder if you know, how to be a mat motor...."

The return of the Cicak Man

Ceti: Semua emas dan handphone sila Q di sini ya...

Karam Singh Walliah: Bagus! Signage yang bagus. Tak de sampah di sini (right hand moving up and down)

Narrator: Clown on the loose?

Narrator: Taken in JB. So innovative the Johorians.

5 years old kid: Ma ah Ma! Ko koh chi tim yong tuk ah? (Mom ah Mom! How to read that words?)

Expect the Unexpectations

2007-03-11T11:33:00.000+08:00

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads.

"Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to close the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing, the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way. The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus.

The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop. It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door.

As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.

The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.

"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!"

To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog has forgotten his key."

Moral of the story

You may continue to exceed onlookers' expectations but shall always fall short of the bosses' expectations.