Crave for Durian but short of Cash?
Look no further? Durian sellers is starting to accept cards....
22 July 2007
19 July 2007
15 July 2007
Tu Lan With Your Boss??
Frustrated at work because of your lousy stupid boss? Disappointed when all your hard work is not been appreciated by your boss? Mad when your own punny boss talking bad behind your back but put a smiling face when he sees you? Pity on your boss for not have the balls talking to you but instead complaint to other people?? Have this happened to you? Read on...
This friend of mine had been working for this company for more than 5 years and finally he had left that dreadful, typical Chinaman company ran by a bunch of cowards, love to talk cock and most of all know-how-to-lick-bosses-asses. What he told me was just hilarious and I have no choice but to put it here as a reference to all that ARSEHOLES do exist!!
Mr. Cheow Hai (CH) is my poor friend, Sunny's boss (or rather ex-boss now!!) was a 2-headed snake (I asked him whether CH was born in the year of the Snake?) had all the qualities stated as per above. Sunny had nothing but demonstrated a well dedicated job in his over 5 years tenure which his chinaman company but he had no longer tolerate with his CH boss for the following reasons:
1. CH love to give sweet promises
Last year, Sunny was hoping there was a promotion but there was none and when Sunny confronted CH and CH gave the reason that all promotion had been freezed by the management but he promise Sunny that he will get his next year. So biting his lips, Sunny stayed on for another year. After a year, Sunny was not promoted and to make it worst, Sunny's apprentice got promoted. Sunny was damn pissed. To add salt to the wound, Sunny had found out that another staff had told him privately that his CH boss had told him personally that he will not promote Sunny. Sunny questioned whether his CH boss did even had the intention to promote him.
2. CH borrowing pirated DVDs
This CH borrowed pirated DVDs from and to other staffs. The latest was Prison Break. (Wonder if there is any connection??). Sunny asked me whether he should report to the Domestic Trade Enforment Officers?
3. CH sleeping during office hour
CH apparently take the oppurtunity to go for lunch at 12pm and come back and sleep on his chair after that even after 1pm. He chose to go for lunch from 12pm-1pm and knowing that there were not many staffs from 1pm-2pm. So, CH took time and sleep and when he woke up, his hair looks like Mr. Potato Head (see below) which he had not notice most of the time.
4. CH got no balls
When his staffs had done mistake, CH do not dare to confront them but instead instruct another staff to relay messages.
5. CH is a cold blooded pathetic creature
Lulu had worked under him for more than 10 years starting from the previous company and to the present company and this CH boss decided to transfer her out from his company just because that he wanted another staff whom he like to come in. CH had even told Sunny that Lulu had nothing better to do instead of downloading and watching Korean movies and cooking porridge (talk on the phone for a long time) in the office. Therefore, instead of advising Lulu, this CH decided to transfer her out. Finally with all the frustration (and maybe some croc tears), Lulu managed to cling on to her current seat and started to show a little improvement in her work by watching less Korean movies in the office and less phone calls
6. CH Always looking for Unreasonable Circumstances
It is part of CH's character when he is in full emotion. One day, CH questioned Sunny on why he had gave the company's key to his replacement.
Sunny: Why can't I gave the key to my replacement since I'll be leaving and he need to stay back!
CH: You are suppose to wait for my instruction!!
Sunny: Instruction? What is the logic behind that? Why can't I gave the key to your own staff??
CH: NO! NO!! YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO WAIT FOR MY INSTRUCTION!!
Sunny: Look (arsehole!!). Firstly, did u say anything when your own Finance staff secretly holds the company key and when you find out (arsehole!), you still let her hold the keys!! Secondly, you also gave a set of keys to another staff just because what.... he brings in big business to the company?? If you are so fucking scared of people might break-in like what had happened to 1 of the sub-branch, why do you do it now? Who gave you (areshole) the instruction to permit these people to hold the company's key??
CH: (quiet....)
At this time, Sunny knew that CH is damn Tu Lan already while Sunny said he was bursting in laughter inside.
7. CH's way of providing moral support to his staffs
In order to make sure that his own staffs' attendance is perfect, CH asked his fat Lulu to prepare a staff list with the numbers of medical leave taken and emergency leaves taken by all the staffs in the company and paste it on the wall so that everyone can see.
What kind of arsehole moral support is this? Putting his own staffs to shame in public and this is what he called moral support??
8. CH favourite pastime - Talking bad about his staffs behind their back
CH really got no balls one. Whatever if he is not satisfy with his own staff, he don't dare to talk to them straight one but instead tell other staffs how bad this fellow or that fellow is. Once he told Sunny he was so pissed with his Admin staff that CH himself had shouted Tiu Na Sing!! Wow... what an arsehole boss huh. CH also even told Sunny how 'perasan' Lulu sometimes can be.
9. CH always find allies but instead choosing the wrong one.
CH always look for people that he thinks he can used. A very good example he had targeted Pepet, one of his Finance staff and Pepet also do not mind at first since she also got her own personal agenda. But what CH do not know that Pepet also cannot tahan him and Pepet also bad-mouth CH to Lulu, Sunny and also other staffs.
Once, Pepet had to do some inventory checking but instead doing on her own, Pepet passed the responsibility to other staffs and forced the staff to acknowledge some paper documents. Of course, Sunny was not dumb to sign off such papers knowing the possible consequences. So, Pepet had no choice but to acknowledge them and then shoot an email to CH stating there were some missing items that supposedly under the care of Sunny.
Instead of investigating, CH summoned Sunny and blame him. Sunny told CH that it is best to have this matter to be investigated and later Sunny found out that the items reported 'missing' by this stupid Pepet are actually sitting in the store!! Of course Pepet malu kebesaran lah. So, CH try to cover it up in the name of so called save Pepet's and his own CH's face
10. CH is actually 1 big, fat Front Door Dog (Mun How Kow)
Dogs placed at our front door (house) is to so called ward off theives or unwanted people but actually these dogs will bark ferociously in the compund of the house but the moment they were outside of the house, they are like tiny small rat; scared and timid.
This behaviour is best described CH. Lulu had occasionally told everyone that CH always got scolded pretty badly by 1 particular Sales personnel (apparently she brought in a lot of business to the company lah) for not able to provide certain things to her. Lulu said CH would just sit back with his shoulder shrugged, looking and blinking his eyes at the Sales person and nodded his head. (Aw Aw Aw......).
Sunny said that next time he got a dog, he sure will name the dog after his CH boss name one....
Conclusions
I told Sunny... cool man. This kind of people deserved to have a child borned with no back side one. Then Sunny said that he already got 2 kids liow and he do not think CH is sexually capable to have another one leh.... Haiya.... Sky Keep Him lah like that....
11 July 2007
Wee Meng Chee!! You Lock leh
A respect to our local talented singer. I wish Wee Meng Chee all the best if he decided to pursue his career in singing.
Dai!! Join lah Malaysian Idol, Astro Talent Quest or Akademi Fantasia lah!!!
And of course, they were some to imitate like below:
And in salute to the Malaysia 50th Independance, Mr. Wee had created a video dedicated for the country.
07 July 2007
Want to open a bank account? Try Pukii !!!!
I just can't get this song out of my head. It is so damn cute!!!
03 July 2007
29 June 2007
25 June 2007
17 June 2007
15 June 2007
Don't Tease Old Ladies
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
11 June 2007
Man Can't Escape from Maiden Trap
well, this is actually a direct translation by the famous Chinese proverb which literally means that, a hero falls prey by the beauty of a virgin (so to speak)
09 June 2007
A Guide To Wear Female Condom
Obviously this is for the girls lah but it is good also for guys to know so that he can guide her lah...
First-first leh, tear the wrapper gently. Don't so rush scared that you will tear the condom as well. I know things already heat up...
Next, make sure to identify which one is the outer and inner ring lah. Mafoolat!! You just don't want to use it terbalik right!!
Then, squeeze-squeeze the inner ring a bit and it should be elastic a bit lah for easy insertion into your 'volvo'
Just ignore the female picture but concentrate on steps on how to insert the condom. Obviously, this condom only applicable for non-virgin already female lah...
Ok! X-Ray sideways on how does the condom looks like inside the 'volvo'
Ok! This is how it looks like after full insertion. You just don't feel anything at all as if you did not wear anything.
For inexperienced man (or men) that you may 'ahem-ahem' with, slowly bring his little brother closer to your pleasure cave. Make sure don't so fast thrust in or else you will spend an hour looking for a plastic bag inside your volvo and you definitely do not want to end up in the hospital for medical attention in this case!!!
Ok!! Kau tim liow all the whatever scene you may have with your man (or men). Make sure you roll-roll the condom when pulling it out from your 'volvo'. You do not want the 'Tau Foo Fah' to slide down to your hand right!!
Be a responsible citizen by disposing your used condom into the sanitary bin and not flush it in the toilet.
05 June 2007
Joke of The Day
Singapore Airlines
Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes????"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogsand cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
The little boy admitted that she did. Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
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Never Insult Your Wife
Ted and his wife were working in their garden one day when Ted looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big! I bet your butt isbigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuringtape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!!" The wife chooses to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Ted is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-assgrill for one little sausage?"
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Innocence
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had neverbeen married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed acut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, andin the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could nolonger resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter??"
02 June 2007
28 May 2007
Business Logic
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-President."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Morale of the Story: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive.
25 May 2007
Your Age & Your Sex Life!!
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex -(choose a number 1 to 9 only)!
2. Multiply this number by 2
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757. If you haven't, add 1756.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born
You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original number ( I. e., how many times you want to do it each week.)
The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
Japanese Group Prank
I cannot imagine this bunch of Japanese so gung-ho all out pulling tricks on others...
23 May 2007
The Divorce Note
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forgood. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case..... I'm gone.
Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'goodman' is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work. Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl" but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla'...was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.
18 May 2007
16 May 2007
Life as a IT Support Part 2
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
Tech support: Ma Foo Lat!! $%#&*%#$#%!!!
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Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
Weird Scenarios
This was actually on TV. The commentators paused and didn't say a word...
Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out on the sidelines!
How to irk your neighbour
One happy family...
What do kids study in school nowadays..
Why would one need to wear pyjamas when they go to sleep.
Latest tattoo
The picture says it all
10 May 2007
The Daily Life of an IT Support
Life as an IT Support ain't that privilege at all compared 5 or maybe 10 years ago. Nowadays, IT supports will have to endure all sort of stress and activities such as Yoga, meditation, relaxology and most of all many supplements to take in order to maintain their sanity well-being; both physically and mentally.
Let me give you some examples what IT Support staffs need to endure...
So, people!! Please do have mercy on your IT Support staffs in your office. Do not make yourself dumb but acted smarter than them. Amen!!
08 May 2007
My Colleague's Girl Friend!!
I always suspicious this colleague of mine whom always shy away when people ask him about his girlfriend. One fine day, I stumbled into both of them when he work as a volunteer at a concert backstage!!
I could not believe how beautiful his girlfriend is....
"Woi!!! Jason Mok", I yelled.
Jeng, jeng, jeng....
"Hai!! My name is Leng Lui Jane!!"
02 May 2007
Something to perk you up!!
Hi guys,
sorry for the long absent. been away very busy now due to some stupid projects my beloved boss bestowed to me. I know he purposely one since he knew i can do my job well. Since the company is paying my salary, so got to do loh...
Ok guys... something to really make u laugh lah... enjoy! if u dun laugh after watching this, pls dun cum back n look for the nearest bridge or monsoon drain n drown urself since there is really no hope for u to live as a human. Better b as coarpse!!
27 April 2007
25 April 2007
The wonder of a good translation
Remember I told you guys that I went to Hong Kong? OK!! I came across this restaurant with this menu outside. After reading it, I really felt tempted to try their Lan Sau Yeh (signature dishes). This is the menu.
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