Quick Sex Jokes....Part 2

Q: Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A: Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

Q: What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A: There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A: A Mechanic.

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: Pimp.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: Why are women are like tires?
A: There's always a spare.

Q: What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A: A tran-sister.

Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A: I can't see a thing with all this shit in here!

Q: What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A: Erection Sets.

Q: Where do fags park?
A: In the rear.

Q: What's the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A: A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Q: What does a female snail say during sex?
A: Faster, faster, faster!

Q: What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A: Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

Q: What's red and blue with a long string?
A: A smurfette with her period.

Q: What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A: A pubic hair.

Q: Define "Egghead"
A: What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Q: How can you tell if you have acne?
A: If the blind can read your face.

Q: Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A: Wool!

Q: What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A: Goes-in-tight!

Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.

Q: Why don't little girls fart?
A: Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q: Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause?
A: Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: What's the definition of trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q: Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A: When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A: They don't stop for directions.

Q: Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A: He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q: Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A: The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q: How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A: Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant
A: Marry it.

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A: Give it a nipple.

Q: What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
A: Fur traders.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: When his hand caught on fire.

Q: What's better than a rose on your piano?
A: Tulips on your organ.

Q: What did Adam say to Eve?
A: Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy

Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A: Better traction.

Q: What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: Push it aside and keep on eating...

Q: How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A: Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q: How do you teach a blond math?
A: Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q: What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A: I feel like a kid again!

Q: What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A: Two test tickles

Q: What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A: A bloody waste of fucking time.

Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q: What is the first sign of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: Gagged

Q: What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A: You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A: Place to hang their air freshener.